Barker, Barker

“Barker! Barker! Barker” I sang to myself as I swung round and round the “No Parking” pole. I was four and for some reason, I remember asking my mother what “our” name was. I heard “Barker” and ran outside to fix it in memory, making myself dizzy but successfully remembering it. Unfortunately our family name isn’t Barker, but Parker, but at that detail came later. More than the incident, the childhood memory of the action that day is the sense of belonging, of family. The world became more than “I,” it became “we.” Something there was which was larger, a greater total. The experience has lasted a lifetime; There is more to me than just me. Since then, over the intervening 62 years, I have come to realize, beware, to know, to experience that I belong not only to my original five, but to my spouse, children, grandchildren; to my circumstances, colleagues friends and members of the Body of Christ. Even those whom I find distasteful, arrogant; who disagree with me, who oppose me. But there is more. A few weeks ago, sitting with dear friends over lunch, talking of our Lord, an inexpressible longing came over me; a longing for that “something more,” the Someone More. I tried to put it into words, but was at a loss. “A deeper relationship,” “knowing Him more, “nothing seemed to express the longing completely. We talked of more study, more prayer, longer time spent in these activities. But these, too, fell short. We talked of experience, of charismatic experiences and though I’m not opposed to experience, wonderful though they must be, they are temporary, with gaps in the glory. Then, over the last day and a half, a growing sense of what may be the answer has dawned. At first, the thought came, “Live Your life within me.” I realized, that, if indeed I am in Christ, that He is already living in me-I don’t need to ask for something that is already reality. Then it changed to, “You are living in me.” This seemed closer, but not quite the reality. Finally, this morning, it came to me, “I open myself to the reality of Your life lived in me and through me.” This accepts the fact of His indwelling; it is experiential without depending or even asking for sensation or experiences. It recognizes that the barrier to “knowing” Him is myself. It comes to Him with no expectations, but leaves me open to when and how He wishes to make Himself known to me. It does not exclude the possibility of ecstatic experience, of miraculous events, but does not seek them as primary. It leaves open the ways in which He will interact through me with my world. Perhaps now, I will know, recognize, experience that Reality which is the ultimate recognition of family; of belonging, of union, far beyond self, birth family, marriage, friendship and all other relationship but which makes them real and alive. May it be so. In our “real” life, our physical being, we know that life is a gift; we did nothing to conceive or birth ourselves. We breathe, eat, drink and life continues until that mysterious day when it ceases. So often I have confused the food, air and drink of study, prayer, meditation, good deeds as life in the Spirit. The life in the Spirit is a gift; it is ours. We only tend it, feed, water and air it in the external things we do to and for ourselves and others. No matter if I have memorized the whole of the scriptures, spend eight hours a day in prayer and meditation and serve others the other twelve, I have it all backward and inside out. This is not life; it is like trying to feed and give drink to a stone. No life results from these actions. But, with His life lived, recognized in me, these actions foster the life in the Spirit; Christ in us, the assurance of glory.