The Cusp

After knocking, I entered her hospital room. It was my job as a social worker, to help her make post-hospital discharge plans. I hated my job-this sending of people to a living graveyard euphemistically called "nursing home." I hated the sadness and resignation on their faces; the sense of end and finality that accompanied my discussions with them and their families. But this time was to be different. Her gnarled hands were crossed on the bed covers. Her frail body barely mounded the clean smooth linen. Her life story was etched into the lines and furrows of her face; each a memory to one who knew the script. I introduced myself and we began the discussion of her needs. As we talked, her face began to change. Slowly at first, then more rapidly, the furrows and ridges gave way to clear smooth skin. Her hands,, rough and worn, became dainty and supple. Grey hospital-mussed hair turned to neat auburn curls. Her voice took on the timbre of youth. Health and vitality glowed from her. A faint radiance began to emanate from her, growing into an intense light that lit the room. Another change began. Slowly her features faded leaving a human-shaped light. At first nothing was distinguishable. Gradually, though, a scene materialized containing perfectly-shaped trees, flowers of hues unknown here, a silvered river and a gated city. One gate opened, through which a figure stepped. As it approached, it resolved into the regal figure of a man. When his body filled the entire outline of hers, he stopped, looked through into my world and smiled. His forehead bore a ragged pattern of small scars; His wrists each bore an ugly round wound. He held His hands out to me, displaying the scars; extending an invitation. Slowly the vision faded and once again the youthful skin, hair and hands returned to that of an old woman nearing death. Well, it didn't happen quite that way. What did happen was, for the first time in my life, I met someone who knew Jesus. Our conversation turned, somehow, to Him. She was a portal, a window into that other place and that Person. She spoke of Him in terms I did not understand but longed to experience. I wanted to spend the rest of the day there and absorb this…this what? Church, denomination and doctrines were my only experience. It is sad that this was not a turning point in my life—that came nearly 15 years later. But looking back, I now see that interchange, those few moments, as a little glimpse into what I now have: the reality of Him in the fellowship of His Bride. May it now be that I too dwell on that same cusp of here and now, then and there; that I may also be the portal between the two worlds for someone else. 2.10.08

The Cup

Is not this day, with its joys, sorrows, smiles, tears, hurts and pleasure; Is not this experience, the moment I am now in; Is not this person; Is not this the cup that You gives me to drink? Is not this cup, this very cup, the one You planned for me from eternity? Drunk to its dregs, is it not the one which glorifies You most, benefits my sister, my brother and most satisfies the deepest thirst of my life? Lord, it is from Your all-wise Hand that I take this cup and drain it with all the gusto of Your life within me. 07.04.08

A Lifetime of Knowing

I come to You as a child; curious and honest of heart, craving to know you; trusting and looking to You for answers for all the big and little problems of my brief life. I ask so many why and how and when and where questions I fear I may tire You--but know that I cannot. I come to You, an exploring scientist, bringing my reason and intellect to bear on You as a subject for scientific inquiry. I find great joy unearthing laws of Your kingdom, unraveling them--treasures beyond compare. I come to you, needy, finding in You my full sufficiency. I come to you, a new lover, overflowing passion and the unfeigned joy of newfound love. I come to you, a long-married spouse, abiding in a deep and rich in quiet pleasure, basking in your presence, grown from the loam of shared joys and sorrows, deep acquaintance and intimate knowledge. Here, more than in all the rest, is the calm confidence, the trust beyond word, the rest in a total surrender, serene in the profound understanding of Who You are. 09.14.03

Blood-Stained Robe

He sits, straight and tall in the saddle, riding straight ahead; nothing impedes Him. His horse is white; His robe was white. Now it is crimson: drenched, dripping His life from its hem. And I? My robe is white, pure white, spotless. Nothing stains; Nothing mars. It should have been the other way 'round: my blood staining my own robe; His pure white, glistening white. He chose it so. 09.25.09 e

Healing Crown

Well-dried, hard and sharp I chose, as one who knows For I have chosen before, Many a time but this time more; Hard, tempered sharp, Ready and eager to pierce, to part Unresisting skin; Seeking blood within The fragile skin. I picked them, Twisted them, Twined them Into a crown; A mocking circle of thorn; A parody and parable of disowning. In my zeal, My desire to steal That which was not mine, But Thine; But which you gave: Your pain; my gain. In my zeal to wound The thorn thrust deep into my hardened flesh; Blood spurts fresh Staining the crown I made for You With my own crimson hue. You wore them as I placed them; Many the points that wound By which You healed my own. Your wounds absorb mine; My wounding healed by Thine. I inflict pain; You inflict healing and balm. Oh marvelous exchange From one deranged To one made sane. From one crushed To one made whole. Ah Lord Jesus, how magnificent is your way; How far beyond our thought that we can pay. 1 23 12

Barker Barker

“Barker! Barker! Barker!” I sang to myself as I swung round and round the “No Parking” pole. I was four and for some reason, I had just asked my mother what “our” name was. I heard “Barker” and ran outside to fix it in memory, making myself dizzy but successfully remembering it. Unfortunately our family name isn’t Barker, but Parker, but that detail was a later revelation. More than the childhood memory of that day, is the sense of belonging, of family. The world became more than “I,” it became “we.” Something there was which was larger, a greater total. There is more to me than just me. Over the intervening 62 years, I have come to experience an even larger reality: I belong not only to my original five, but to my spouse, children, grandchildren; to my circle of acquaintances, colleagues friends and members of the Body of Christ. Even those whom I find distasteful, arrogant; who disagree with me, who oppose me are a part of me and I of them (though this is a difficult and this insight rarely results in any change in my inclusive behavior). A few weeks ago, sitting with dear friends over lunch, talking of our Lord, an inexpressible longing came over me; a longing for that “something more,” the Someone More. I tried to put it into words, but was at a loss. A deeper relationship, knowing Him more, nothing seemed to express the longing completely. We talked of more study, more prayer. But these, too, fell short. We talked of experience, of charismatic ecstasy and though I’m not opposed, the exhilaration doesn’t last; gaps intrude between glory and glory. Then, over the last day and a half, a growing sense of what may be the answer has dawned. At first, the thought came, “Live Your life within me.” I realized, that, if indeed I am in Christ, that He is already living in me-I don’t need to ask for something that is already reality. Then it changed to, “You are living in me.” This seemed closer, but not quite the reality. Finally, this morning, it came to me, I open myself to the reality of His life lived in me and through me. It is merely in accepting this reality that reality becomes real. In our “real” life, our physical being, we know that life is a gift; we did nothing to conceive or birth ourselves. We breathe, eat, drink and life continues until that mysterious day when it ceases. So often I have confused the food, air and drink of study, prayer, meditation, good deeds as life in the Spirit. The life in the Spirit is a gift; it is ours. We only tend it, feed, water and air it in the external things we do to and for ourselves and others. No matter if I have memorized the whole of the scriptures, spend eight hours a day in prayer and meditation and serve others the other twelve, I have it all backward and inside out. This is not life; it is like trying to feed and give drink to a stone. No life results from these actions. But, with His life lived, recognized in me, these foster the life in the Spirit; Christ in us, the assurance of glory. I am neither Barker, Parker nor Smith; I am of the family of humanity and, more importantly, of the family of God. Perhaps now, I will know, recognize, experience that Reality which is the ultimate recognition of family; of belonging, of union, far beyond self, birth family, marriage, friendship and all other relationship but which makes them real and alive. May it be so

By Works of Law...

Human law seeks to promote or limit: • Behavior • Speech Divine law (as interpreted by man) seeks to promote or limit: • Behavior • Speech • Belief • Thought • Feeling • Intent • Choice • Emotion • Relationships because by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified in His sight; for through the Law comes the knowledge of sin. Romans 3:20 If salvation is not dependent on law: then we are saved by neither: • Doing nor not doing; • Saying nor holding the tongue; • Believing nor doubting; • Good nor bad thoughts • Intent nor motive; • Correct nor incorrect choice • Good nor bad feelings • Correct nor incorrect companions • Correct nor incorrect doctrine • Gluttony nor abstinence • Poverty nor wealth • Promiscuity nor abstinence • Eating nor abstaining from food or drink • Temperance nor intemperance • Conservative nor liberal politics • Generosity nor miserliness • Keeping nor not keeping the Ten Commandments • Loving nor hating • Divorce nor marital stability • Preserving nor taking life It is ALL of grace which is a gift. It is without effort, exercise of will or behavior; this is freedom. We are free: free from effort, free from sweat; free from coercion, free from toil. Free from burden; It is only when all is of grace that all are forgiven, all reconciled, all rescued, all redeemed, all justified, all made righteous, all returned to the fold; free from earning, trying and commandment-keeping. Salvation is all of grace; all of Him. Romans 3:20 because by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified in His sight; for through the Law comes the knowledge of sin. Romans 3:28 For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from works of the Law. Romans 4:5 But to the one who does not work, but believes in Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is credited as righteousness, Galatians 2:16 nevertheless knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the Law but through faith in Christ Jesus, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the Law; since by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified. Romans 4:4 Now to the one who works, his wage is not credited as a favor, but as what is due. Romans 4:5 But to the one who does not work, but believes in Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is credited as righteousness, Romans 11:6 But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works, otherwise grace is no longer grace. Galatians 3:10 ¶For as many as are of the works of the Law are under a curse; for it is written, "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT ABIDE BY ALL THINGS WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF THE LAW, Galatians 5:6 For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything, but faith working through love. Ephesians 2:9, 10 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. Hebrews 4:10 For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His. Hebrews 9:14 how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God? John 1:17 For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ. Acts 15:11 But we believe that we are saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, in the same way as they also are. Acts 20:32 And now I commend you to God and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified. Romans 1:5 through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith among all the Gentiles for His name's sake, Romans 3:24 being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus; Romans 4:16 For this reason it is by faith, in order that it may be in accordance with grace, so that the promise will be guaranteed to all the descendants, not only to those who are of the Law, but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all, Romans 5:2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. Romans 5:15 But the free gift is not like the transgression. For if by the transgression of the one the many died, much more did the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abound to the many. Romans 5:17 For if by the transgression of the one, death reigned through the one, much more those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ. Romans 5:20 The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, Romans 5:21 so that, as sin reigned in death, even so grace would reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:14 For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace. Romans 12:3 For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. Ephesians 2:8 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed; Galatians 5:4 You have been severed from Christ, you who are seeking to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace. Ephesians 2:5 even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), Ephesians 4:7 ¶But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ's gift. 1 Timothy 1:14 and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 1:9 who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity, Titus 2:11 ¶For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, Titus 3:7 so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life. Note: In recognizing that salvation is not of our effort, I am not saying that behavior, thought, speech etc are not important to the Christian. Common sense and much of the New Testament are devoted to behavior, speech and relationships. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor .” Warnings and exhortations abound about drunkenness, theft, murder and adultery. But doing or not doing any of these things is not salvation. Too many of us, too many of our religious institutions, too many of us who are parents, equate and teach behavior first, with salvation as a result. It may be blatant or subtle, explicit or implied, but the net result is a belief in our own goodness, our own behavior as the key to salvation. May we come to know, to teach, to live, to share salvation’s true Source and the result of that salvation: behavior that springs from within, by the Spirit, not from an outward law.